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Please keep an open mind with these poems, and also keep in mind that i would never try to kill myself, no matter how depressing my poems may get.
Think about it
lightning strike
the ground and burn
to black, the as
the trees, a turn
at life or death
to see your truth
grow old, or stay
forever youth and
pray to thee, but
what is god?
a name, a face?
it strikes me odd
that you should find
a name for things,
see angels pluck
gold harpen strings
in heaven made
a bond of three,
but what about
your noble tree,
your paper comes
from spirit wood,
your pencil too,
but you should
consider this:
who came first?
think on that,
kill knowledge thirst.
What's wrong with me?
spinning, turning
higher, falling,
anger, yearning,
crying, bawling.
in dark rooms
all by myself
questioning
my mental health.
i love, i hate,
i kill, i cry,
i run, i wait,
i'm wondering why?
razorblade
against my wrist
is it going
to end like this?
blissfull, kill,
sobbing, strife,
angry, ill,
a bloody knife.
it's back again,
suicide
nowhere to run,
nowhere to hide.
raining, storming,
sun, then snow,
anger forming,
please, just go...
i want out
i want to kill
myself, or you?
who's blood will spill?
screaming, crying,
bitter, mad,
smiling, sighing,
happy, sad.
you can' see,
i won't express
kuz i keep my face
expressionless.
Taunts
once i thought i had it all
in the palm of my hand
but it wouldn't stay there
things taunt me like that
they never stay the same
but sometimes i think i have found hope
and it taunts me
like everything else has
i feel as if the world is spinning
out of control, benieth my feet
and there is nothing i can do to stop it
except to scream
but no one hears me anyways
so why do i try anymore?
i should save my energy
for what i know must be done
but there are some who tell me i'm needed
who the fuck do they think they are?
they've all told me that...
they've all lied...
how do i know i can trust this time?
everytime i do
it taunts me
and slaps me in the face
i want to believe you
but i can't
i'm sorry
i really am
if you don't believe me it's alright
i'll be gone soon anyways
out of your mind,
out of your life,
free from the taunting at last...
The Bus Stop
i've been sitting on this bench
for my entire life,
watching other people's busses
come and go, taking them away.
some go for life, others for death,
but always it's the same,
i'm always left waiting for
my chance at life.
my bus hasn't come yet,
the others always pass me by,
on their way to life, or death,
i only get in their way.
i'm left here alone,
looking down the street,
waiting to see my chance
to get away from everything.
no one sits beside me as i wait,
i'm here alone as always,
and i'll leave alone as always, but
my bus hasn't come yet.
These are some poems i wrote last year.
"Love Lost and Darkness Gained"
when hope is gone
and love is lost,
i will still be here.
the Darkness
draws in closer now,
but please, do not fear.
i'll be here
'till the end of time,
although you may not know
how deeply that
i care for you,
although it may not show.
i know
i've walked this road before,
it leads to my demise.
but i cannot
help but say these things
when i think of your blue eyes.
i don't know
what would happen
if i got too close to you.
the last time that
that happened,
it ruined all i knew.
and so, it seems,
that i'm afraid
to tell you how i feel.
the Darkness
hovers over me
to make of me its meal.
i long to be
in your embrace
and look into your eyes.
this feeling is
so close to love,
but it's THAT my heart defies.
so now i walk
away from you,
i wave a sad goodbye.
the Darkness
draws in over me
and sends my soul into the sky. "Can't Sleep"
shadows haunting
every corner
of the room inside my head.
huddled up
inside my blanket,
in the warmth of my small bed.
lies of past
and lies of present,
never seem to let me sleep.
blood and pain,
loss and sorrow,
emotion's fire that burns so deep.
grab my hand
while you still can,
before i slip away from life.
it's too late,
you let me go,
i fell on the edge of faith's cruel knife.
seeking, yearning,
turning, burning,
now i slip away from light.
i'm in the hell
of these past thoughts
that never let me sleep at night. "The Tears of Battle Washed Away"
i fight with myself
over whatever i do
i can't do any of it right
it's never good enough.
i can't stand myself
i can't look in the mirrow
where can i go
to get away from me?
no love for me
no one there
i wonder sometimes,
does anyone even care?
my mother sure doesn't
nor my father
my step-parents.. no...
even my friends sometimes.
i'm always left behind
either trailing or hiding
always in a shadow
alone, as always.
i have my own personal storm cloud
it stays over my head
it's always raining on me
can't tell tears from raindrops.
the rain covers up my inner battle
i fight with myself everyday
i cry in the rain
tears of battle washed away.... "Sunset"
the sun sets
on my face
casts weird shadows
on the ground
i want to
get out of this place
things keep coming
back around
to the way
they used to be
it makes me
want to shout
"God, just
listen to me!
please, just
let me out!" "Lies"
i'm sorry that i lied to you,
i'm sorry i never tell the truth,
i don't know why i lie to you,
i can see how much it hurts,
i can see it in your eyes,
i can feel it in my heart,
i try to tell you how i feel,
i try to tell you why i do it,
i can't get any words out,
i don't know why i do it,
my heart is dying,
my soul is crying,
my face may not show it, but
i'm sorry that i lied to you. "Tired"
tired and drawn,
that's how i look
when i look in the mirror
at the end of the day.
my hair's messed up,
dark circles under my eyes,
lips slightly chapped.
i'm so tired.
how much longer?
when can i leave?
i'm so tired..
i just want to sleep.
is it time for me yet?
can i go now?
just let me go...
please?
i'm so tired.... "Sorry"
tinted red,
my vision it.
i get so angry.
i'm sorry.
i didn't mean
to say that.
can you forgive me?
please.. i'm sorry.
how come you
look at me like that?
i said i'm sorry!
i didn't mean it!
my world
goes dark.
you walk away.
i said i'm sorry...
you won't hear me.... "Is Anyone There?"
fuck the world,
i hate this place.
see the pain
etched on my face?
you went away,
you left me there,
sometimes i wonder
if you even care...
is anyone there?
i ask of you.
you aren't there.. you only
care what sees me through.
if i'm dead,
if i'm not here,
would you even
shed a tear?
i didn't think so. "Afraid"
i fear my lies,
i fear my hate,
i fear my life,
i fear my anger,
i fear my eyes,
and the rings under them
as i look into the mirror
and watch the blood
in the light of the candle
drip from the razor
fall on my shirt
hit the porcelin.
my head hits the tiles
i stare into darkness
i see dust in my shadow
i see no one mourning
i see no one notice
i see no one cared
that's what i was afraid of.... "The Window"
i stand at the window,
looking down.
it's so far to the ground.
i want to jump,
but i hesitate.
i think of all the people
that love me.
i think of them and smile
as i open the window.
the breeze blows in and
ruffles my hair.
i step out onto the ledge
of the window.
i look down and smile,
it will end soon.
i think of all my loved ones,
to each i say goodbye.
i am so sorry
to be doing this,
but all will be better when i say goodbye.
i take the step
off the window,
and into the air
i fly,
i close my eyes,
and i smile....
good bye these are some of my older poems, written a couple years ago.
"Choke"
my fears
my lies
my life
why God, why?
my life is a lie
i can't stand it
do i deserve this?
no love
no life
no hope
i'm in the dark.
i try so hard
it's never good enough
for any of you!
take my life, God
it will be my only salvation.... "Exhale"
i want to die.
i need to get out.
nobody loves me.
i don't even love myself.
i'm all alone
all by myself
i'll find a way.
i'll get out.
i go into the garage,
and run the car.
the exhaust fumes
fill my lungs.
i inhale deeply,
my vision gets red.
my brain shuts down,
in a moment i'll be dead.
i inhale again.
my limbs go numb.
my brain blacks out.
my breath gets short.
it's coming now,
the darkness sets in.
but just before i die,
i smile and exhale,
good bye.... "The Edge"
Stand on the edge of the
Chasm.
Looking down into the
Abyss.
It will be my only
Salvation.
To shut off my life
like this.
Step into the darkness of
Forever.
Slip into the sleep of
Oblivion.
-*JUMP*- "Kill Me"
it's too much to deal with.
i hate myself.
i hate my life.
i broke his heart.
he'll never forgive me.
i didn't mean it,
really.....
i want to be your friend again.
just talk to me...
he won't...
he's gone...
i'm sorry.
i can't go on with the guilt.
my soul is crying.
but i wear a mask so no one will know.
i pray to God and scream at the heavens.
SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE..... "Wayward Thoughts"
upon the bed i sit,
harder and harder
my fists clench,
my nails bite into my palms.
i don't feel the pain,
the blood starts to run,
yet i clench my fists
tighter.
he makes me so angry,
so insensitive
he is.
can't he just shut up?
i could make him shut up...
i know how.
but i catch the thought,
before i act on it...
it's wrong. |
